How To Be Present Without Trying To Fix

Being with someone who is grieving asks for a very different kind of presence. Not the presence that steps in, solves problems, or offers answers, but the presence that stays steady while someone else feels something difficult.

Most of us were taught that care means doing.

But in grief, care means being.

Fixing comes from good intentions, but it often creates pressure. It asks the grieving person to shift their emotional state before they’re ready. It suggests that the feeling needs to end. It moves too fast for a nervous system already overwhelmed.

Presence is different.

Presence lets the moment be what it is.

It sounds like:

• “I’m here.”

• “You don’t have to change anything.”

• “It’s okay to feel this.”

• “We can sit in silence.”

Presence is spacious. Fixing is tight.

Presence invites the person back into their body.

Fixing pulls them away from themselves.

When someone is grieving, they’re not looking for solutions. They’re looking for safety - a sense that their emotions won’t scare you, bore you, or burden you. They want to know that their tears or silence or confusion won’t push you away.

To be present without fixing, you soften your own impulses. You slow your breath. You release any internal pressure to make the moment lighter or cleaner or more comfortable. You allow the grief to take up space without needing it to transform.

You’re not there to lift their pain.

You’re there so they don’t have to carry it alone.

This kind of presence helps the grieving system regulate. When someone sits beside you without rushing you, your body begins to trust the moment. Your breath deepens. Your shoulders drop. Emotion moves more freely.

Fixing shuts grief down.

Presence lets grief move.

If you know someone who may benefit from breathwork for grief, or if you’d like guidance on how to support a loved one through something heavy, you’re welcome to explore my grief-tending breathwork sessions. They offer a gentle, embodied way for the nervous system to release some of what it carries.

Explore Sessions